Love Always Ministry founders Richard and Brittni De La Mora give us the truth about the porn industry and the evil that it creates in people's lives. Past porn star Brittni will open our eyes about the reality behind-the-scenes and why it is so addictive and destructive in our lives.
Introduction 0:00
Thanks for joining us for another Techless Talk, where we explore how consumer technology shapes our relationships, health and culture.
Chris Kaspar 0:14
Hey, everyone, thank you so much for joining in. We're here for another Techless Talk and I have been looking forward to this conversation for months now. I have some special guests, Richard and Brittni De La Mora. They're with Love Always. And I just want to open up in here a powerful story. They have the story that will just change your life. And so I want them to unpack it.
And let's just dive in. I mean, this is a casual conversation, but you guys are just people with passion, Richard, I mean, you are one of the most enthusiastic people I've ever met my wife. We had a zoom call a month ago. And I just remember like, I'm still on cloud nine from that Zoom call, just because the enthusiasm you have for what we're doing here at Tech bliss, but just a passion for what you're doing. So if you would mind giving us just a quick overview of what you guys do in life now.
Richard De La Mora 1:06
Well, my wife and I, we have a ministry called Love Always Ministries. And one big theme and thing in our ministry that we're passionate about is helping people who battle with pornography. And my wife was actually in the industry for seven years. And now we get the great opportunity to help people who are porn consumers, but people who are in the industry, we go in convention strip clubs, and we go there and we ministered, help them get out of this life, and just to show them that there's a better life, and then you can find that through Christ. So that's what we do at love always ministries, we also do a lot of other things. But that is one big line that we're in.
Chris Kaspar 1:47
Yes. Awesome. And so I'm excited to have you here because, okay, this is a tough topic, super tough. I went to the sexual integrity leadership summit a few weeks ago, or a month ago or so. And I interviewed six people. And I watched back the interviews, and I was nervously laughing the whole time, I was like, gosh, this is just difficult. And here I am interviewing. And so anyways, I've matured a bit since then just like reflecting on what I learned even in that, but I'm excited to have you here. And even people within the Techless team don't want to talk about pornography. And like even doing this podcast absolutely is not something that they want to keep promoting as Techless. But I have to keep going there.Because it's just so important. So so the big question I want to ask with you guys is. So we get pushback all the time. Because we say our phone is porn free. And people are like, well, people should have the freedom to be able to go and do this on like you do care about freedom, but we're not going to offer you that freedom on our device. And so with that is the underlying assumption that pornography is not evil for everyone. And so I want you to unpack the idea of is pornography evil. I mean, just plain simple. Give us some context. You. I mean, that's a strong.
Brittni De La Mora 2:58
Yeah. So I've been on both ends of the fence because I was in the porn industry for seven years. And so when I was in the industry, I mean, I knew that it was evil for me, because it was destroying my life. Like, my soul was just slowly dying. Like I was getting more and more depressed on a daily basis, contemplating suicide using heroin, crystal meth, cocaine, all kinds of things. But then I believe the lie that I was actually helping marriages, you know, we meet with, when I would go to porn conventions, I'd meet with all my fans, and you know, they have stories about how their marriage, sex life and all these things, you know, but and I started to believe that lie of like, oh, well, you know, at least what I'm doing is good. I'm helping people. But for someone else, not for you. Yeah, I felt like there was something noble for Exactly, exactly. So then, I mean, it's like the lights turned on when I just decided, You know what, I've come to the end of myself, I can't do this anymore like this. This industry has sucked me dry. And if I don't get out, I will commit suicide. And so when I finally got out of the business, and I just started spending time with God, it was like the lights finally turned on that veil was lifted up where I knew that I was no longer helping people. I mean, the Scripture that changed my life, I was on my way to film a porn scene. And I was reading. I was on an airplane, reading my Bible, and I was reading Revelation chapter two, verse 2323, and it says this, I have this thing against you. You tolerate that woman named Jezebel, who leads my people into sexual immorality, given her time to repent, and if she doesn't repent, I'll cast her and her children into a sick bed. And in that moment, I started crying because it was like, the Bible teaches us in John 8:32, that you'll know the truth and the truth will set you free in that moment, the truth set me free. But then it was like the kindness of God right? Because it's his kindness that leads us to repentance and the Holy Spirit started to speak to me, Brittany, this isn't the life that I have for you the life that I have for you will overflow with so much love so much peace and so much joy. People just quit the porn industry today. I would bless your life like no man ever could. And so it was like I had this godly sorrow, this heart of repentance of like, I've actually been damaging my Heavenly Father's heart, my creators heart. But not only that, I can't even I can't even fathom the amount of people in seven years that I have led into into immorality. Like I've gotten messages from people that are very upset with me because, you know, I was their favorite porn star, and now they can't stop watching porn and they're addicted. And they have very, so it's like, porn is very damaging. And then now that we're doing ministry, like I have seen marriages end in divorce, I've seen husbands not want to sleep with their wives, because, you know, they can't get an erection, being with their wife anymore, because porn has destroyed them in that way. I've even heard stories where a woman called and she was wondering what to do, because her husband had been watching porn for so long that he was now doing sexual acts with their dog, and she wasn't sure if she should stay or go because she was 50 something years old. And, you know, I mean, porn is destroying people. Because, you know, we're here at the Next Gen Summit. And one of the speakers last night said input effects output, and that what you put in will always come out and you can't fake it. And so when you are putting porn into your life, and you just start off maybe with like a morally acceptable scene, right, eventually you're gonna get so comfortable with that scene. That's that's becomes normal. It's boring to you now and you have to progressively get worse, worse, worse. It was the same thing when I was in the porn industry. I started off doing very morally acceptable scenes and things just started getting more abusive, more aggressive, because those things were just acceptable. Well, now let's go to the next level because porn truly is like a drug. That's a gateway. It's a gateway.
Richard De La Mora 6:32
Yeah. And I think the battle with pornography is that we've we think what pleases us is what fulfills us. So the the battle is, is okay, I'm watching porn. It's not hurting you. But it's pleasing me. And you're watching this and you're getting please for a moment because porn mate, please you for a moment, like all, all sin does, right? But at the end of the day, it doesn't fulfill you, and porn will slowly but surely, rob you of your joy. Rob, you have your piece. Rob, you have your relationships. Why? Because porn is a consumer. It just takes and takes and takes and takes. Even the Bible says that sin is draining. And it's so draining now. So now, you're kind of talking about what you're talking about when it comes to your relationships, right? Maybe somebody's listening here today. They're saying the reason why I watch porn is because my wife and I aren't intimate with each other. Or, you know, right? That's the pushback angle. And you know, try not to have sex. I'm watching porn. Exactly. So I'm using porn so I can stay pure. Yeah.
Absolutely. So but then what you're doing is you're masking something that you haven't really dove deep in. So I would say this, then if you're say, You're the married couple, and you're here listening, why aren't you and your wife intimate with each other? What conversations do you two need to be having? That might heal that route that's making you watch porn? Or, you know, is it maybe because let's be honest, man or woman, you're not being romantic enough. And all you want to do is just, you know, get it all in real quickly. You know, I know, man, we were ready any time of the day. So, but that's not the way a woman works. So what areas are you avoiding that you should be invading? And I think what porn does is porn is a lazy approach for something that you're escaping. Because all to be honest with you. Porn is just an escape. That's all it is. Yeah. What are you escaping from? What are you running from? What are you hiding from? I gotta, I gotta watch porn, because I'm anxious. It lets me be free. Hold on a second. Why are you anxious? What are you battling with? What's the fear in your mind?
So the thing is to as quick as so many places why porn is bad, but because you don't see the results right away. You think it's okay. Yeah. Don't get mistaken by results that you don't see right now. Yeah, it's a multi-year journey. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And it's a gateway.
Chris Kaspar 9:09
And that's the sneaky part about it. Yes. That that is the why it's so toxic. Yeah. Because it's the pot that boils degree at a time and you're the frog sitting and next thing you know, you're doing some really crazy stuff that you wouldn't have done had you asked yourself five years previously would never do this.
Richard De La Mora 9:27
And that's and that's the thing, if if we don't understand that, and we don't, you know, we don't see that and we don't get clarity for it. We're gonna find ourselves doing these things and never realizing that there's a repercussion later on. So now, you know, you want to hang out with God and you want to have that alone time. But it's hard to have alone time when alone time goes to. Nobody's here. Yeah. You're all by yourself now. And it just starts affecting you. So for us, maybe listening here today. I would just encourage you to stop avoiding what you should be invading. There's always a repercussion to every single thing that we do. And just because you don't see the fruit now, of what you're doing, doesn't mean that you're not going to see it later. It's like if I smoked a cigarette every day, you might tell me, or you might say overturning a cancer, but I don't have cancer. I'm fine. But I guarantee if I keep smoking that every day, sooner or later, it's going to catch up to you. Yeah, same thing as what happens with porn.
Chris Kaspar 10:27
So So I want to know, I mean, evil is a very strong word. Absolutely. That is offensive in today's culture to call something evil. Yes. Is stepping on toes. Oh, yeah. And it is claiming a truth that is offensive to people. So So I want to know, is there anything at all that you see that's redemptive or good in pornography? And is it evil? I mean, just black and white plainly.
Richard De La Mora 10:53
It's evil. There is nothing pure about it. There is nothing holy about it. It is impurity that affects you from every area and angle in your life affects the way that you see things it affects your mind it affects your overall body it it destroys you, inside out and I think for us to play with fire and not think we're not going to get burned by it, are sadly mistaken ourselves and, and what gets a lot of us is that porn is packaged in good.
But never realizing the product is evil. It is packaged and good. It's the superficial cellulose wrapper. Yeah, it looks Yeah, it's crinkly and looks colorful. But then inside, it's rotting meat. And it's just drawing you slowly and surely. And, and now it's like, like one moment, like, you didn't see women that way. Like, there was an innocence in your life. And you didn't see men that way. Now, you see them as a piece of me like you don't you don't see them the way that God sees them. And that's what porn does. It robs us of our clarity and dehumanizes dehumanizes. And it causes us to be impure. And not only that, it leads to, to sex trafficking and so much more. Because this is what it does. It's like, like, people don't understand, okay, my wife is here. She's an industry. It's everything that they do is made up. Yeah, it's it's it's fate. It's fake. You know, first year, we were paid actors. Yeah, as a paid actor. So for you to go and pull your wife's hair and think she's gonna like that, you know, in spit on her and smack her and, and some things that these people don't see is like, I've literally seen women on set during the scene, just start crying. And the director is kind of looking around, like, what do we do? Yeah. Do we just like cut it? That's the reality. Do we just let her cry her way through it? Like they're all looking around? Like confused, like, do I know, you know? Yeah. And I just imagine that in a marriage. Yeah. A woman crying in the bedroom. Yeah, like that. That breaks your heart. But no one sees that. Yeah.
Brittni De La Mora 13:04
And because in the editing process, they cut that part out, you know, and, yeah, I mean, I've seen some of the most well known porn stars to this day, like, I've done coke with them in the bathroom pop pills with them. I've seen some of them pound back an entire bottle of wine, half a bottle of tequila, just to get through the scene. And so consumers are sadly mistaken if they genuinely believe that the performers enjoy what they are doing. Because even me as my former self, you would have never heard me come out publicly and say I hate this job. I hate my life. I wish I was dead. No, I put a smile on my face. Hey, lovers, how are you guys? You guys are amazing. I love you. Thanks for your support. Like, I'm so grateful for you guys. But really, I was lying. Because if I told you the truth, not only would you probably not watch me, but I would lose all my work, which was my livelihood at that time. You know, nobody's gonna hire a woman who says she hates her job. So you have to fake it till you make it. And that's where most women in this industry today are. The new I think when you first start out in the industry, enjoy it for a little bit. You feel like it's something new, it's exciting. You're getting a firm. Do you know you're getting paid pretty well, you know, some people it takes them a whole month to make what you made one day like, you know, and it's exciting. But then you know, like where it started take a turn for me was the industry is abusive. So it was like first I ended up getting gonorrhea and never had an STD in my life. I was like, shocked, right? And then from there, I had just like a moment of realization like holy crap, this is real.
Because they lie to you. And they say, Don't worry, the industry is safe. We get tested every 28 days. But what they don't tell you is yeah, you can go get a test and everything says negative but the next day, somebody might go have sex with somebody they meet at the bar, pick up chlamydia, gonorrhea, God forbid HIV, and now they're spreading that around the industry for the next 26 or 27 days until they get their test. And so how many people have they just contracted if they're a popular performer?
They're working one to three scenes a day. So they've just contracted you know what 27 almost 80 people. It's it's, it's not a clean industry. And so then there's a director I had just gotten out of the hospital for anorexia was only 105 pounds was pretty thin. And he's like, You're so fat, you need to lose weight that got me on this cocaine binge of trying to lose weight. And so it's obviously cared about Yeah, well, you know, the industry is abusive men, and not every man. I think some men in the industry genuinely think they're helping women and they try to be there for them, you know, but, you know, in their warped way of kind of thinking, like, that's, that's genuinely what I think some men think that like, I'm here to support the women and be a blessing. But there's definitely a lot of abusive directors who are very cruel. And yeah, I mean, I've thankfully never worked with this guy, but there's a guy who used to, you know, they call it the money shot when the man goes to ejaculate and he would pee in the woman's mouth. Straight abuse, she's never heard that straight abuse. Like, the woman wasn't expecting that she was expecting for what he said he was going to do, and he would just urinate all over. And he did that to a lot of women, a lot of women. I mean, there are some really nasty men in the industry that hate women. And vice versa, you know,
Chris Kaspar 16:23
you're you're creating this. I mean, you're divert, you're in my mind right now, as I'm listening to you. You're taking reality, and painting a picture of reality, the one that no one ever sees, I mean, I, I research this stuff, right? Techless, we make porn, free phones, I think about what is, you know, pornography, it sounds weird, but I've done so much research on it. And you're giving me a new window of insight that I've never been able to tap into before. So thank you for just being vulnerable in that. And that takes courage. Absolutely. I really appreciate it.
So I want to know, so you guys, your ministry now is to help people escape this either people working in the industry to just stay take a step out, if that's what they want to do. And then people that are suffering with addiction to take a step out. And everything we've talked about, I mean, people listening to this, almost everyone's going to be triggered in some way. I mean, if you're married, I'm amazed at how many people that are married that even don't have a crazy history of pornography, that just sex is just freaking heart. Like, I mean, it's just the number one thing that people that I am convinced right now that sex is just such a divisive thing within marriage. It's so difficult. It's sad, but But um, so give us some hope here. Because y'all deal with shame. I mean, up to the nines and vulnerability. I mean, just this is so complicated, so convoluted, just whirlwinds of thought and philosophies and all this stuff that, that the world's telling us, what what's some hope for someone that's listening and see their interest in the industry struggling with pornography, addiction, to kind of help confront the shame. Or maybe it's not about shame, but just put some light, shine some light here as far as direction?
Richard De La Mora 17:57
Yeah, I would say first off, there's nothing that you can do, or there's nothing that you can't do that will stop God from loving you. So whether you've made a mistake, or a you know, you just made a mistake. Understand that the Bible says that the righteous fall down seven times, and they get back up again. So if you're battling with porn, I would say to you is get back up again. And look at Jesus. And I have great news for you guys. You know, you can't defeat this on your own. And you can never defeat this. And you might be saying, well, rich, this doesn't sound look like good news at all. But it is good news. You know why? Because I know of someone who already beat porn. I know of someone who already beats in who already beat death in the grave, and his name is Jesus. And he is here to help you. He wants to help you on this journey, you are not alone. And as long as you continue to look at him and continue to lean on Him, He will give you the strength and the guidance to be able to help you with this monster called pornography and friends. We believe that you can make it out, take it a step at a day at a time, step by step. I think oftentimes, when we think of something like this, we think, Oh, man, I don't know if I could do this is way too big of a mountain to climb. If you want to conquer a mountain, all you have to do is take a step at it every single day. And that's the beauty about Jesus, he's with you in every single step. There might be times where it's going to be hard. There might be some easier times but just know that you're not alone, that he's here to help you. He's here to guide you. And He will help you on this journey. As long as we repent and we ask for His guidance. He's so good. The Bible says in the book of James, any of you need guidance or wisdom, asked me, friends God is here. He is our helper and he is here to help you through the situation. So just know that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. God doesn't condemn you friends, but he loves you and he wants to help you and we will believe that God will make a way for you, as long as you keep seeking him.
Chris Kaspar 20:04
Yeah, and I mean, Techless officially, is not a faith based organization, we're not a ministry. We're a company, right? We don't have an official faith stance, but I confidently believe that you can't do it alone. Absolutely, we have to lean on something that's bigger than our own straps. And I think it's wonderful that you guys are coming with some answers and some direction. And I think that that is the way out. I mean, so many companies stray away, just don't go there. I mean, they're, you know, there's some organizations in this industry, they're doing amazing things that help people escape pornography addiction, but they don't point to something bigger than ourselves, most of the time, they point to community, and there's some great value there. But there has to be a power beyond ourselves. So I appreciate you guys going there. Because that's that is, in my opinion, the answer? I mean, absolutely do anything less than that shortchanges ourselves and puts us in a place where we're going to be let down.
Richard De La Mora 20:57
Yeah, it's sure. And I love what you guys are doing here at Techless, because you eliminate the problem. But now you need to feed yourself. So and that's the thing I love about Techless, look, they're going to eliminate that we're so you don't have access to that. And that's great. But now we need to start filling ourselves up. And as long as we continue to fill ourselves with the Word of God, and he starts to renew us, and he starts to change us, then we start eliminating these problems, friends, you're going to find yourself free from porn, and you're going to live the life that God has always attended you for you to live. So, so sad.
Chris Kaspar 21:31
Awesome. Well, you guys, we've just gotten a window into a world that we rarely get to peek into. I mean, this is, it's an untold story, honestly. And so just think about the reality of what this actually is what pornography actually is, and it is evil, it is bad. There's nothing redemptive in it, there's nothing good in it. And just run from it. But just as Richard said, when you run from this, when you say I want to stop, or I want to cut, cut this out of my life, run towards something. That's the important thing here and a phone that doesn't have pornography on it. That's not the answer. That's not the silver bullet. It's a piece of the equation. But what really matters is your character, and your heart. Come on, and so run towards something so anyways. But thank you guys, any last words, for people listening here, just something to take away that can just give us kind of hope is we're just dealing with him having him?
Brittni De La Mora 22:31
Yeah, I think that so many times, people who are suffering with porn addiction, and want help, like, they think that they're suffering alone, and they think that they're alone. And they think that, you know, by staying silent, I mean, by staying silent, they suffer silently, right? And so, get open, I mean, find somebody you can talk to whether it is a therapist, or a pastor or you know, a friend that's gone through it, like find somebody to walk with you through this, there is freedom from pornography, like I was in the industry for seven years. And, you know, I've been free. I've been out for 10 years now. And so there is hope there is freedom. And yeah, you can get there. So just keep reminding yourself of that, like remind yourself that, you know, this is just a season of your life. But I truly believe that God's just working on your story. And there's going to be other people that you're going to help you know, you're gonna get free from porn and you're gonna get to help other people get free from foreign so your your life and your pain. It all has purpose. Awesome. How can we find out more about what you guys do? So we have our website, it's love always ministries.com Everything's on there. You can link to our social medias. Mine's Brittni De La Mora, Richard De La Mora. Love Always Ministries on social media. So yeah, but you can go just directly to our website and find all that information. You have a podcast. Oh, yeah. Let's talk purity. So that's yeah, we wrote a book called a purity, which is actually it's not a no sex before marriage book, which so many people think it would be right. Like, yeah, but it's no, it's about because what our revelation of purity is that it's really about the condition of your heart. And purity means to be free from contamination. So that could be anything. It could be anger, jealousy, loss, whatever is is dwelling in your heart that shouldn't be there because you shouldn't have the representation of like pain in your heart because God wants to heal you have that right. And so this book is really about dealing with the issues of your heart so that you can get free from things like pornography and get free from the fruit of all all of those things that stem from the root in your heart.
Chris Kaspar 24:29
Awesome, guys, as I've been talking about sex the last few months, it's been hard for me but people like you, I mean, you guys, I appreciate your courage and your vulnerability, because y'all are leading the charge in a way that builds courage and vulnerability within myself. I mean, my close community, my friends, I've been much more open about stuff my marriage, you my wife. I mean, like, we've talked more about sex and last three months, just because of people like you. So thank you for taking versus going out on a limb just exposing yourself innocence, because there's definitely fruit to come. Glad to talk to you guys. Glad to have you. Thank you